A Few Bleepity-Bleeps

I have always been familiar with the story where Jesus feeds the 5,000. What a sweet ordeal not only for those being fed but also for the disciples to see! However, just as the disciples are standing around rubbing their stuffed bellies slappin’ skins talking about how Jesus is the man, Jesus tells them to go away. He tells them to go “to the other side” of the lake while he takes time to pray..(Yes, rest assured…even Jesus needed a break every now and then…J) While the disciples are at sea, mumbling who knows what under their breaths because they didn’t get to stay for the after party, things get worse.

 The winds pick up, the rain starts to pour, and the waves start climbing. This is no Missouri weather where it’s just a 20-minute squall that disappears as quickly as it appears. No, this continues for hours. From what I gather it starts sometime in the evening and persists until “the fourth watch of the night” (Matt. 14.25) which is anywhere between three and six in the morning. So for almost the entire night, these poor disciples are tossed around violently. I can assume, presumably with much accuracy what they were thinking.

 “I can’t believe this!” “How could Jesus have left us?” “Why did he make us ride in a storm?” “Where is he when we need him?” “Is he going to save us?” I’d venture to guess even a few “bleepity-bleepity-bleeps” slipped out, but maybe I’m saying that to make me feel better about myself. Either way, one question lingered over their heads, “Is God going to take care of me?”

 So many Christians experience the depth of their spirituality in terms of mountaintop experiences, miracles, or smooth sailing times. They become almost intoxicated with having everything work out in all ways at all times. Maybe they are smart enough or rich enough or pretty enough, to satisfy their own needs without the presence of a savior. Maybe they are spiritual enough to procure answers to every prayer. Maybe they are wise enough to not get bogged down by temporal circumstances and to maintain emotional and mental stability all the time. But let’s face it…most of us aren’t.

 Here we have the disciples, who were on a mountaintop experience just hours earlier, now being thrashed around by the waves. Now they are questioning, “Is he going to take care of us?” They clearly knew he had the capacity to do so. Did Jesus really care about them that much when he basically bulldozed them out of the festivities only for them to get pummeled by a storm? Did he really care about them that he waited until the fourth watch, nearly the last possible second to show up?

 The story ends with Jesus coming to them walking on the water. They of course freak out. Seriously, who does that? Jesus comes, but in their estimation he was late. They weren’t sure why he had sent them in the first place. It felt dreadful to be battling rains and winds and waves in the absence of his presence. But finally he comes.

 “Is God going to take care of me?” is the cry that has resonated from the depths of my soul as I have been caught in this senseless storm the past month. It doesn’t mean I am a faithless Christian. It doesn’t mean that I am not smart enough to trust him. It doesn’t mean that whatever negative thing super-Christian says I am because I am asking such a silly question. It just means that I am asking it. That I wonder. And that I have no choice but to hold on so I can experience the affirmative answer. I stay in the boat and wait for Jesus to come. Maybe I will end up like Peter walking on the water with him, or maybe like the other disciples, sitting in the boat. Sitting, standing, rowing, walking, wading, whatever it is that I do…I know this: Jesus always comes. 

Believing the Intangible Invisible

I have struggled the past couple weeks. With sadness and fear. And also with questioning God. Luckily I have formed a new mantra of sorts. “I believe in the God who will give me the desires of my heart.” Sometimes I chant it with an overwhelming faith and it brings tears to my eyes, and other times I say it while the dueling thoughts of faith and fear duke it our on the forefront…what do I believe today? I do believe in the God who will give me the desires of my heart. But maybe like 40 percent. But trust me…it’s better than the 1 percent I had a couple nights ago…

 I’ve got no answers, a blurred vision, and apparently someone by my side. That is what I believe with my whole heart. I believe that the Lord of Lords is sitting on my bed (well make it a couch rather…), the intangible-invisible, as I write with such a nonsensical fury and passion, as he probably giggles (that is if God ‘giggles’) at my wordiness. And he is probably thinking, “You’re going to laugh again one day Lindsey. You’re going to laugh and smile and dance and shout. And you’re going to trust me, and you’re going to know that I AM the God who will give you the desires of your heart. That your faith does not go unnoticed, whether it’s 1 percent or 99 percent. That I don’t view your addictions, sins, and screw ups as stumbling blocks that would prevent me to move in you. I want you to LIVE, SHOUT, DANCE…with the freedom that I gave you…that I want you to have!”

 And that is what I believe. It sounds like a fairy tale, or like a cheesy Saturday morning cartoon where the roadrunner always wins. But I like this fairy tale because it keeps my faith moving like ants in my pants…it gives me wonder, and marvel, and mystery. It makes me heart leap with joy for no reason and forms a lump in my throat for the same reason…

 Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing and I admit there are sins in my life, but I love you and want to continue to trust you…whether 1 percent or 99 percent. Right now, my faith has been bumped up to 70 percent. You never fail to amaze me. You never fail to surprise me. You never fail to amuse me. You never fail to make my heart leap (I don’t think I have ever thought of you more like a roller coaster than right now..) But I love you! And I believe that you-the God I believe will give me the desires of my heart-love me more than I can ever imagine. 

Waiting...

Waiting. I have had several discussions about waiting lately. I think of waiting as such a negative thing. When one waits, it is normally not a pleasurable experience. Waiting is a test of patience. But what if we didn't ever wait? What would we miss out on? Just like many Americans I ventured to the mall the weekend before Christmas for some last minute shopping. My sister was driving, and seemingly every parking spot was taken. We would spot a car pulling out, dart over to it as quickly as possible, stop, turn on the blinker and wait for the car to leave. Of course, in the Holiday traffic frenzy and parking frustrations we would have cars whip in there before we could. It was obvious we were there first. However, they didn't care because they wanted that spot and thought they needed it more than we did. It was frustrating. We were waiting. 

This went on for a good 20 minutes. We were getting ripped out of spaces, and we were at the point where we were just going to settle for parking across the road at a different shopping center.  It was then, when we were heading away that we saw a car pull out of the very first space, directly in front of the door. My sister turned her red car in there with ease. It felt so perfect. It felt so right. We were so excited we cheered. We high fived. We laughed. A man walking by the outside of our car even stared at us because he heard our excitement. The waiting had paid off. All the time spent trying to park in a mediocre parking space worked out for a reason. There was a spot for us, we just had to be patient to get it. 

This got me thinking, how often do we wait on Gods plans for our lives like that? How often is it that we wait around trying to fit our lives into a mold that it isn't supposed to be in? We get frustrated because our friends and family members get these opportunities that we don't. They get to park their car in the space before you, even though you were the one waiting on it. You try. You fail. You want to give up. And then, at the very last moment there is a glimmer of hope. You find something that feels right. You try it. You put your plans in the space where they are supposed to reside. They are in God's hands, and once they are there you know that's where they are supposed to be. You know that none of the other options worked because they weren't supposed to. The excitement is overwhelming knowing your life is where it is supposed to be. You can't help but let out the joy. You shine. People on the outside stare wondering why you are so happy. They walk by you and wish they had what you did. Waiting? Yea I think it's worth it.  

An Update

So, it has been a long time. A little too long. A lot has happened since the last time I posted. Looking back, it is crazy to think that I have been at CofO for a year! Time has flown by! This place has molded and mended me beyond belief. I can't say for sure what my life would have been like if I hadn't come here, and frankly, I don't care to know. It's an incredible feeling knowing you are where God wants you to be. It's an incredible feeling knowing that God is in control. It's an incredible feeling rediscovering God's grace! 

I plan to try to keep this somewhat updated from here on out. I stay so busy it is hard to sit down and write, but it's something I need to do! And since it is has been so long...here is my second semester of college in a nutshell! Enjoy the video! And I plan on making a real blog soon! 

Just a Girl

I`m just a girl,
I`m just a girl who laughs too much
Who smiles in the worst of times.
I`m just a girl with a huge heart
but who protects it a little too closely.
I`m just a girl who tells silly jokes
and who tells my mom every April Fools Day that I am pregnant.
I`m just a girl who loves to learn
and has so much learning to do.
I`m just a girl that doesn't try hard enough
but enjoys working hard.
I`m just a girl who can't let someone down
and will break my back keeping promises.
I`m just a girl with too many friends
but not too many relationships.
I`m just a girl who loves to love
and loves to be loved.
I`m just a girl.

I`m just a girl
I`m just a girl who loves naps on cloudy days
and sun on my skin
I`m just a girl who is passionate about the Special Olympics
and have had my heart formed by people with mental dissabilities.
I`m just a girl who loves to be active
and who can't turn down delicious food.
I`m just a girl who loves photographing Gods glory
and who can't smile regularly in a picture.
I`m just a girl who dances often
like nobody is around.
I'm just a girl who sings loudly
like God is my only audience.
I'm just a girl who loves to play in mud
and loves taking long showers
I`m just a girl who is simple on the outside
and complex as a spider web on the inside.
I'm just a girl who doesn't get enough sleep,
but wouldn't trade those sleepless nights for the world.
I`m just a girl who is loud and outgoing
but who loves to have alone time
I`m just a girl who isn't perfect,
but knows how to learn from my mistakes.
I`m just a girl.

I`m just a girl
I`m just a girl who doesn't read my bible regularly,
but enjoys studying religion.
I`m just a girl who doesn't always fit in,
but is accepted in Jesus Christ.
I`m just a girl who isn't worth much,
but was bought for a high price.
I`m just a girl who has a wonderful family,
but I have been chosen and adopted.
I`m just a girl who has little riches,
but I have direct acces to the throne of grace.
I`m just a girl who lives in a small town,
but my permanent residence is awaiting my arrival.
I`m just a girl who has little strength,
but can do all things through Christ.
I am just a girl who is filthy, rotten, impure and unholy
but I am God's temple.
I am just a girl.

It's official-I am going crazy

I had a dream last night that I had a piece of chicken for a pet. A piece of fried chicken actually. But it was a living and breathing piece of chicken nonetheless. If my memory serves me right, it was a chicken breast. Possibly a thigh, not a leg. The fried chicken leg is so over rated. But, it was totally cooked and breaded possibly with shake 'n bake. The chunk of chicken didn't have a name. That's a real shame. It also didn't have a face. It was a fowl of few words. It didn't poop, which in my book makes for an excellent pet.

Chicken (what we will call my pet for the sake of the dream) and I hung out with other pet lovers. Chicken and I were at the park with another person, who happened to be a mix between sweet Lisa Cozzens and Wendell Bailey. Two people that have greatly impacted my life. Anyway, Wendell Cozzens kissed his/her pet, which happened to be Dartimus' dog-Susan. I remember being completely grossed out that they kissed their pet, although no one ever mentioned how weird or gross it was that I had a fried chicken thigh as a pet. Then, Wendell Cozzens fed Susan lunch which consisted of a Pear, Sprite and Compound W...

Chicken and I were weirded out so we left. We walked by a homeless man (Ethan Forhetz from KY3.) He didn't hassle me for booze or money, so as far as i`m concerned he was a nice homeless man. Jim Jim Jame Jame was angry that there was a homeless in town so she put out city ordinances saying not to give to the homless man. What was even worse was she put up a huge sign right beside him on the sidewalk with an X through his face (which she painted...possibly with water color or finger paint.) Chicken and I watched as homeless man stared at her looking completely defeated. Seriously, Jim Jim could have waited to put up her sign until homless man went to take a crap behind the Kum and Go. Whatever.

Chicken and I continued on our journey. By this time I had to carry chicken because it was tired of walking. I carried it all the way to Canada where I finally woke up after dining with Queen Latifa.






In other news, it's almost Christmas. I probably won't blog until after the Holidays so from chicken and I....HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

The Global Village

I have always known I was blessed. My parents provide for me. I have a house, a bed, I am well fed every day. I have a truck of my own, not to mention the three other cars in my family. I have a cell phone with unlimited text messaging. I have a nintendo Wii with over $200 worth of games. I live in a country where I can choose to be whatever religion I please without persecution. I have free speech. I have an education not only through High School but I have stared my journey with college as well. No, my family is not rich. No, they aren't in debt over there ears. But, I have everything I ever need. I may not have as much the next person, but I am still a minority for what I do have.

If we could shrink the Earths population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:

There would be:

Ethnicity
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Americas (North and South)
8 Africans

Sex
52 would be female
48 would be male

Religion
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian

Race
70 would be non-white
30 would be white

Relative Wealth, Education, Health
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth (and all 6 would be from the United States)
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 would have a college or university degree
1 would own a computer

So, this has me thinking. What do I take for granted every single day? Half of the worlds population lives on 2$ a day. I am blessed.